Effective January 15th, 2020, I stopped going to work. Not because I didn't want to or because I had completed all that I wanted to accomplish in the role, but because my services were no longer needed. I know how business works and I am no stranger to the idea of layoffs or corporate restructuring, but I never expected it to happen to me. This was a surprise, for sure.
To answer your questions: Yes, I miss my colleagues. Yes, I miss having a positive impact on those around me. Yes, I miss typing on a keyboard and having my own cubicle space. Yes, I miss getting silly IMs throughout the day just to say "Hi" or to see if I want to have lunch in the cafeteria. Yes, I miss having adult, professional conversations. Yes, I miss creating something and getting others' feedback, criticism or praise.
Much to my surprise, approximately two months after my departure, I found myself home schooling 5th and 1st grade from the kitchen table during a pandemic.
Some might say that getting laid off in January was a blessing, that I'm exactly where I should be during these crazy times. While I agree that not having to juggle home life, home school, dinner, self care, and work is a blessing, it still makes me really sad and, frankly, uncomfortable that I'm not contributing in the way that I have been for the past 17+ years.
My value is not measured by a job title, but it is hard to see myself in the same light when all I'm doing every day is making sure that reading is being done, math apps are being logged into, and Google classroom assignments are being marked completed.
It's important, obviously, but it's not the same.
Searching for a job these days is hard. There are so many factors that go into it.
In addition to the candidate pool exploding over the last couple of weeks, I have to do my entire job search on my cell phone due to the fact that my local library is closed until further notice. I don't have a computer or laptop, so it makes it difficult to type up and edit documents, resumes or cover letters. It is difficult to connect with potential employers or network with former colleagues or other connections when we can't meet for a hot chocolate or coffee. I know - first world problems.
It is difficult when your job referral at a company is furloughed. It is difficult when a company has decided that they'll hold off on hiring until this thing blows over. It is difficult to apply for jobs when you don't really know when your home schooling responsibilities will be alleviated.
The unknown is scary. It is difficult to manage everything, including my feelings, during a pandemic and lock down. It doesn't help that the numbers in my bank account continue to dwindle, and I'm trying not to panic about a job on top of not trying to panic about sickness or running out of food. So many opportunities to panic!
It's definitely a lot, but I know I'll get through it and so will you if you're in the same position as I am.
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