Attn: Department Of Child & Family Services

For years, I have claimed to have worked with some of the most ridiculous people on Earth. Many of you have heard the crazy stories of things that have happened in the office or quotes that people have said and you, most likely, think I'm kidding. You probably think that I'm making it up...or, at least, exaggerating the truth.
Well, here's another one for the books...
This afternoon was my department's annual pizza lunch and Yankee Swap. We ordered from Pizza Pie-er (yum!) and booked ourselves a conference room so we had PLENTY of space to fill with nonsensical conversation.
The grab gifts were as follows: $10 Dunkin Donuts gift card and some Lindt chocolate truffles; two 5"x7" silver picture frames; a popcorn maker; a foot massaging slipper thing and a Starbucks gift bag; a holiday Pyrex serving dish; a Crate & Barrel candy dish and some chocolates; two holiday movies and some movie candy; a set of four wine glasses; and, finally, a bottle of pinot grigio.
I've played different versions of a Yankee Swap. The way we played today was everyone picks a number. Number one picks a gift. Then, number two picks a gift and opens it. They can decide to steal number one's gift if they choose...and so on. Then, at the very end, number one can pick any gift they want.
This year, I picked number seven. When we're dealing with just nine people, number seven is not great.
I had a choice between the gift I brought, a rumored Chia Obama and something in a penguin bag. I chose the penguin bag. In the bag were the two picture frames. Because I'm trying to declutter my house and get rid of my frames, I decided to steal the bottle of pinot from a team leader. Thank you very much.
After me, the most ridiculous of my ridiculous coworkers opened the four wine glasses (not Chia Obama) and deliberated for what seemed like 10 minutes about whether she wanted to keep the wine glasses for herself or steal my bottle of wine...not because she drinks wine...but...wait for it...because her underage daughters drink wine.
There were a lot of strained eyeballs in that room and my good friend not-so-softly whispered to me, "Isn't that illegal?"
I'm not saying I didn't drink before I was 21 years old. I'm not saying that my parents never let me try a sip of beer or a sip of wine or a mixed drink before my 21st birthday. What I AM saying is that bringing home a bottle of pinot grigio from a work holiday party for your boozehound daughters just doesn't seem right to me.
On the bright side, my boss, number one, decided to steal the gift I brought from someone else to end the game. Hell yeah! I knew that How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Four Christmases, Goobers, Twizzlers, Reese's Pieces, Junior Mints and Swedish Fish were the way to go. I win!