Fruit Bowl Antics

I've been trying to eat better. Instead of eating a muffin or sugary cereal for breakfast, I've been eating fruit or granola bars. I'm trying to make better choices, and, hopefully, that will contribute to my remarkable weight loss and impending supermodel contract. 

The other day at work, I bought a banana in the store on the ground floor and brought it back to my desk. I took the top handle and attempted to peel it. Instead of peeling it down, it simply cracked the peel on the backside so I had to unzip it with my thumb and extract my breakfast from it's shell.

This silly little moment made me smile and brought back a childhood memory. 

I specifically remember a day where I selected a banana from the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter, and the same thing happened.

My silly, perhaps immature, 11 (?) year old self extracted the contents, taped up the back of the peel with scotch tape, and strategically placed it back in the bowl.

Don't ask me why. I just thought it would be funny for someone else in the house to grab a banana and have it fold in their hand because it was hollow.

It was. 

2015: A Retrospective

2015 was a busy year...like most of them are.

That being said, not too much has changed. I am still the same girl, living in the same place, under the same circumstances.

Before moving on to 2016,  here are some things I have done this past year (in no particular order):

• Celebrated the life of my aunt Carol; the weddings of Jackie and Dan, Mindy and Bob, and Matt and Jess; and the births of Violet, Clara and Kasey
• Discovered my love for chocolate cherry martinis
• Indulged in Kate's Superbowl chili, and Taco Tuesdays and a food truck festival with Christine and friends
• Burst a pipe in my condo, which, no doubt, caused my downstairs neighbors to hate me
• Helped my father for the first time
• Went to bingo at Foxwoods, listened to grown adults read their middle school diaries on stage in Cambridge, watched a soccer game at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, caught air going down the big yellow slide at the Big E in West Springfield, watched a hockey game in Providence, and drove to Hingham for a cheeseburger and tater tots
• Ate a grilled peanut butter and fluff sandwich while drinking cans of beer in a trailer park
• Walked for Cystic Fibrosis and heart disease awareness, volunteered at Pridefest and the New England Family Fun Festival, co-captained a volunteer day at work stuffing almost 2,600 flu fighter kits for the local community, and raised money for breast cancer awareness
• Sang karaoke while at a work conference, and was recognized in the hotel lobby the next day for my efforts
• Camped in a cabin in Maine for four days, and saw three moose
• Watched Jaws for the first time while sitting in a backyard in a fold up chair
• Was confronted by a middle-aged bully at a charity event
• Escaped a few potential long term relationships, and even more extremely short term ones
• Made tremendous efforts to pay off all of my debt

I'm hoping a few things change in 2016, but, for the most part, I am very happy with the way things are going.

Here's to a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2016! Cheers!

Struggling To Believe

Don't get me wrong - I love receiving holiday cards from family, friends and colleagues. I enjoy seeing the photo collages of little kids crying on Santa's lap, memories from family summer vacations to the beach, and family pets playing in the fallen New England leaves.

As I was opening up the glitter-filled envelopes this year, it hurt a bit more than normal. The only holiday card that didn't feature a photo of a family, was sent from my condo management company.

It was abundantly clear just how unusual my situation is at my age - 35 and single with no family of my own to speak of. (Mom and Dad, you don't count this time around.)

Despite those I love frequently reassuring me that my prince will come soon and that I deserve much better than I've received from the online dating world, it doesn't help my cause.

Not only do I believe in the magic of Christmas, but I believe in love. That being said, it's getting more and more difficult to sustain. I need a big time reminder.

It hurts that there is no one special in my life, and just wish Santa and Cupid would cut me a break. I mean, Cupid visits me twice a year (2.14 and 12.24) and never once does he bring me a hostess gift. Rude!

This post is not meant to drum up pity. I just want to share what's going on in my world, and encourage you lucky ducks to count your blessings and be thankful for them everyday.

My Life: Verbatim

Yesterday - 12:01pm
Me: Hey. I have interest in auditioning to become the #6 thing you can't live without. Is there an application process or simply an interview? :o)

Today - 1:23pm
Him: No need to audition
Him: Or apply
Him: I don't bite
Him: My interview process is simple. Say hi
Him: I am not at a place in life that I wanna brag about. Things and women have not been kind. I've taken up other activities to help take my heartache and busy mind away. One being poker
Him: I moved back into my parents house in February and am wanting to get out of here
Him: I'd love to meet someone who is looking to move out of their current situation as well and hopefully do some soul searching with me.
Him: I'm not getting any younger
Him: I'm over weight and I drink
Him: No drugs (except maybe an occasional marijuana session)...No smoking cigarettes but will have an occasional (very occasional) cigar
Him: I have no kids and no pets

Me: Whoa. Breathe. Hi.

Him: I want both
Him: No time to breathe
Him: Just giving you the facts so you can run away

Me: ...okay...
Me: Sounds like you are trying to get me to run away.

Him: Not at all
Him: Just being open and upfront
Him: Last girl I started talking to on here took something I said wrong and called the police in town and had me rushed to the ER because she said I was going to commit suicide

Me: You need to work on your sales pitch.

Him: I'm just done with the crazy people and the fake ness
Him: I told her I wasn't interested and that her life would be better without me in it

Me: But you sprung that on me when I showed no signs of crazy. You may want to hold off on that stuff.

Him: She took that as I was going to jump of the Empire State Building

Me: You need some confidence.

Him: I am who I am. I'm not like other guys that are going to tell you what you want so you will be with them
Him: I have confidence. More than you can imagine

Me: Then why has this conversation gone this way? Do a quick scroll back through these messages.

Him: This conversation has gone how... Truthful?
Him: I'm confident in who I am...enough to disclose who I am to a total stranger.
Him: I'm not masking it
Him: I read your profile
Him: It seemed like you wanted someone truthful and honest
Him: Guess not

Me: It's just so heavy. I just wanted to say hi. Next time a lady messages you, try being a bit more playful.

Him: You'd rather someone find someone to bullshit you
Him: That's not and never will be...Me

Me: Well, okay. That escalated quickly. Good luck.

Him: I'd rather be single and lonely than playful and hurt
Him: See how easy that was
Him: You took my honesty as something more than it was
Him: Maybe I'm not the issue...Maybe you are...Maybe you need to understand that sugar coating stuff on these sites leads to deep and heavy let downs
Him: I'm playful but let's just get the skeletons out of the closet. You will never be able to say that I hid something from you. Hahahaha
Him: Your profile reminds me of "27 dresses"
Him: Always always always a bridesmaid
Him: We gonna sing Elton johns Benny and the Jett's soon?
Him: Blame it on me being Irish. I don't know
Him: At least it was the truth that pushed you away and not my honestu
Him: Honesty
Him: The facts and not the forwardness

Me: Nope. It was the forwardness. Definitely the forwardness.

Him: Good luck finding a guy who hides all the facts
Him: There are plenty out there
Him: Most are probably married with kids
Him: Good bye. your loss

Me: Ha. You're nuts.

Him: Not nuts. I'm honest
Him: Good luck
Him: You are like every other woman on these sites. You want fake men that lie to be what you want
Him: You put this...Hey I'm interested in auditioning line as your opening line...Hoping that the men who respond will tell you what you want to hear. You don't want to hear the truth though.
Him: I'm real
Him: I opened up with real statements and you couldn't take it
Him: That's your problem...not mine

(30 minutes later)

Him: Let me apologize
Him: Can we start over?
Him: It's not too late

(Author's note: Ummm, yes it is. Way too late.)

My One "Real Housewives" Moment

Confession: I'm a huge fan and supporter of The Real Housewives franchise on Bravo. That Andy Cohen is a freakin' genius.
That being said, who has that much drama in their life? There always seems to be drama, double talk, secrets and fights between cast members many times claiming to be friends, and over-the-top spectacles at elaborate parties and events.
Well, folks, I can (finally?) say that I was in a similar situation. Extremely long, ridiculous story short, I was confronted by a 50+ year old woman last night at a charity event for a children's hospital. Yes, you read that right - a grandmother tried picking a fight with me at a charity event.
As I gracefully excused myself from the situation, I couldn't help but laugh. There are actually people who live their lives like Brandi Glanville or Kim Richards. Good for them, I guess. It's just not for me.

Scarred For Life

Author's Note: The following story is my interpretation of a childhood event...and that's all that matters. If anyone disagrees with my story, they can write their own blog. Heehee.
The above picture tells a story much more important than the one I'm about to share. That is a photo of me and my late younger sister Susan. (Check out my sweet rainbow BandAid on my right knee.)
Extremely long story short, Susan died at six months after being born with a congenital heart defect. From birth, Susan had been in and out of hospitals and doctors' offices. You'll need that information for the following story to make sense and so that you can see the underlying humor in it.
In the spring of 1986, Mom had gone to a town craft fair, and left Dad alone with me and Susan for the afternoon. I went for a bike ride down the hill and only made it a few houses before my back tire slid in the sandy street and I fell onto the pavement. I was right outside of my friend's house and her mother, a nurse, ran outside to come to my aid. I remember she gave me two freeze pops - one for now, one for the car - and drove me back to my house.
After taking a look at my open wound, Dad packed up Susan and, after making a quick pit-stop at another doctor neighbor's house, he drove me to the hospital. We had a very professionally successful set of neighbors!
I remember sitting on the doctor's papered table in a pair of dirty shorts while Susan wailed in her carrier. "Um, excuse me! I'm the one getting three stitches in their knee!" Legend has it that I didn't shed a tear. Boom - nailed it.
Years later I was told that my mother received a message at the Senior Center where the craft fair was being held. The message was, "Jim brought your daughter to the hospital."
Understandable panic set in. In this case, unnecessary panic. I can't even imagine being my mom getting that message that afternoon. The individual that gave my mother this message probably realized soon after finishing that initial statement that they should be more clear. They clarified that Susan was fine; Trish just fell off her bike.
That being said, my mother stayed at the craft fair.
Don't worry about me. I'm just your first born child, bleeding all over the road, suffering from a popcicle-induced brain freeze.
I've teased my mother about this infamous day for many, many years. I don't mean to keep bringing it up, but I have a constant reminder on my knee. I'm legitimately scarred for life.

A Star On The Rise

In mid-May, I traveled to Orlando, Florida for a conference for work. This was my first time away from the office for business purposes, and, while I wasn't sure what to expect, I did learn a lot at the conference and met some great people while I was there.

On Monday evening, I met Janet at a happy hour hosted by the conference vendor. Janet was a spunky brunette who was gung-ho for karaoke, and she did everything in her power to convince me to join her on stage to perform Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" at the farewell celebration on Wednesday evening. I told her that there was no way in hell that I'd be caught dead on a stage singing in front of a room full of people. "Get lost," I said with a smile.

Tuesday, she and I had a repeat of the same conversation.

Janet: "I can't wait for karaoke tomorrow night. You and me, Trish. You and me."

Trish: "No way. How about her?" (Pointing to another innocent, petrified bystander.)

Janet even tried to get me on-board by performing a snip-it of her song while dipping our feet in the pool late on Tuesday night after a dinner and dance party in the conference hall. I sneaked away and retreated to my hotel room before committing to anything.

The day was finally here - Wednesday. I woke up, went to a full day of conference workshops and presentations, went back to my room to freshen up, and then met my new friends at a happy hour prior to boarding a bus to City Walk at Universal Studios.

Upon arriving at City Walk, we were greeted by staffers with smiles and trays of free beer. This truly IS the happiest place on Earth. Janet, some of our new friends, and I grabbed a drink and did a quick looksie around to see what we had to work with. There was a DJ spinning on a balcony, entertainers juggling pins and others walking on stilts wearing sequins and feathers, and stations of free food.

After walking around a bit, grabbing a bite to eat, and requesting "Dick In A Box" at a dueling piano bar, we made our way over to CityWalk's Rising Star. Please note: the pianists did NOT play my request.

When we walked into Rising Star, I was floored. First of all, it was freakin' packed full of people, all with their conference lanyards on. Yeh, we all looked lame. Moving on...

Next, I look at the stage - well, that was not what I had imagined. In my mind, I saw a stage with a screen with song lyrics. Maybe a tapestry or some sort of background to frame the stage a bit. What I saw surprised me.

Not only did I see a familiar conference face singing a Sublime song, but I saw a sound board, a live band and back-up singers. Back-up singers!

Janet bee-lined to the sign-up sheets and put her sheet in the clear plastic box at the stage. She was in this to win it...win what, I'm not so sure. We found a table at the back for our group, and while listening to a middle-aged "Mom" with a bob sing "Welcome to the Jungle", I glanced at the song list that was at the table. There it was, "No Scrubs" by TLC.

I took a look around, took another swig of Bud Light, and grabbed a golf pencil. "I'm never going to see any of these people ever again," I thought to myself as I made my way to the stage with my sign-up sheet.

Janet lived her dream of singing "I Will Survive" and she rocked it!

Janet, joined by a "friend", rocks it with the band and back-up singers.

Then, the inevitable came just a few acts later - Trish, "No Scrubs". Holy crap. What did I do? I feel sick.

I joined the stage, sang my song while my face turned magenta and my voice quivered, and then ran back to my beer. Shortly after that, I shared a cab back to the hotel to end this ridiculous night.

Oh, dear God.

The next afternoon, I was waiting for my shuttle bus back to the airport in the hotel lobby. I had all my luggage next to the couch next to me while I curled up with my phone. I really should've booked an earlier flight home.

Two petite blonde women joined me in my furniture pod, and one asked if I had attended the conference. I said yes and we introduced ourselves. "Hi, I'm Trish."

Blonde woman #1: "I actually already think we've met. You look familiar."

Trish: (with a "I don't think so, but okay" look on her face) "Oh, maybe."

Blonde woman #1: "Oh," (chuckling to herself) "I know where I know you from. You sang at City Walk last night."

MORTIFIED!

She and I talked for a bit, laughing (me crying) about our exchange. She did confirm that I wasn't the worst one of the night, and that there wasn't a mass exodus from the building when I was up on stage. That's a relief.

I didn't think that far ahead the night before. I knew I wouldn't see anyone again...but I forgot that I'd see people the next day before leaving the hotel. No, no autographs were given, but I did make my new fans smile. I'll never forget the first time that I was recognized in a hotel for my musical performance.