Struggling To Believe

Don't get me wrong - I love receiving holiday cards from family, friends and colleagues. I enjoy seeing the photo collages of little kids crying on Santa's lap, memories from family summer vacations to the beach, and family pets playing in the fallen New England leaves.

As I was opening up the glitter-filled envelopes this year, it hurt a bit more than normal. The only holiday card that didn't feature a photo of a family, was sent from my condo management company.

It was abundantly clear just how unusual my situation is at my age - 35 and single with no family of my own to speak of. (Mom and Dad, you don't count this time around.)

Despite those I love frequently reassuring me that my prince will come soon and that I deserve much better than I've received from the online dating world, it doesn't help my cause.

Not only do I believe in the magic of Christmas, but I believe in love. That being said, it's getting more and more difficult to sustain. I need a big time reminder.

It hurts that there is no one special in my life, and just wish Santa and Cupid would cut me a break. I mean, Cupid visits me twice a year (2.14 and 12.24) and never once does he bring me a hostess gift. Rude!

This post is not meant to drum up pity. I just want to share what's going on in my world, and encourage you lucky ducks to count your blessings and be thankful for them everyday.

My Life: Verbatim

Yesterday - 12:01pm
Me: Hey. I have interest in auditioning to become the #6 thing you can't live without. Is there an application process or simply an interview? :o)

Today - 1:23pm
Him: No need to audition
Him: Or apply
Him: I don't bite
Him: My interview process is simple. Say hi
Him: I am not at a place in life that I wanna brag about. Things and women have not been kind. I've taken up other activities to help take my heartache and busy mind away. One being poker
Him: I moved back into my parents house in February and am wanting to get out of here
Him: I'd love to meet someone who is looking to move out of their current situation as well and hopefully do some soul searching with me.
Him: I'm not getting any younger
Him: I'm over weight and I drink
Him: No drugs (except maybe an occasional marijuana session)...No smoking cigarettes but will have an occasional (very occasional) cigar
Him: I have no kids and no pets

Me: Whoa. Breathe. Hi.

Him: I want both
Him: No time to breathe
Him: Just giving you the facts so you can run away

Me: ...okay...
Me: Sounds like you are trying to get me to run away.

Him: Not at all
Him: Just being open and upfront
Him: Last girl I started talking to on here took something I said wrong and called the police in town and had me rushed to the ER because she said I was going to commit suicide

Me: You need to work on your sales pitch.

Him: I'm just done with the crazy people and the fake ness
Him: I told her I wasn't interested and that her life would be better without me in it

Me: But you sprung that on me when I showed no signs of crazy. You may want to hold off on that stuff.

Him: She took that as I was going to jump of the Empire State Building

Me: You need some confidence.

Him: I am who I am. I'm not like other guys that are going to tell you what you want so you will be with them
Him: I have confidence. More than you can imagine

Me: Then why has this conversation gone this way? Do a quick scroll back through these messages.

Him: This conversation has gone how... Truthful?
Him: I'm confident in who I am...enough to disclose who I am to a total stranger.
Him: I'm not masking it
Him: I read your profile
Him: It seemed like you wanted someone truthful and honest
Him: Guess not

Me: It's just so heavy. I just wanted to say hi. Next time a lady messages you, try being a bit more playful.

Him: You'd rather someone find someone to bullshit you
Him: That's not and never will be...Me

Me: Well, okay. That escalated quickly. Good luck.

Him: I'd rather be single and lonely than playful and hurt
Him: See how easy that was
Him: You took my honesty as something more than it was
Him: Maybe I'm not the issue...Maybe you are...Maybe you need to understand that sugar coating stuff on these sites leads to deep and heavy let downs
Him: I'm playful but let's just get the skeletons out of the closet. You will never be able to say that I hid something from you. Hahahaha
Him: Your profile reminds me of "27 dresses"
Him: Always always always a bridesmaid
Him: We gonna sing Elton johns Benny and the Jett's soon?
Him: Blame it on me being Irish. I don't know
Him: At least it was the truth that pushed you away and not my honestu
Him: Honesty
Him: The facts and not the forwardness

Me: Nope. It was the forwardness. Definitely the forwardness.

Him: Good luck finding a guy who hides all the facts
Him: There are plenty out there
Him: Most are probably married with kids
Him: Good bye. your loss

Me: Ha. You're nuts.

Him: Not nuts. I'm honest
Him: Good luck
Him: You are like every other woman on these sites. You want fake men that lie to be what you want
Him: You put this...Hey I'm interested in auditioning line as your opening line...Hoping that the men who respond will tell you what you want to hear. You don't want to hear the truth though.
Him: I'm real
Him: I opened up with real statements and you couldn't take it
Him: That's your problem...not mine

(30 minutes later)

Him: Let me apologize
Him: Can we start over?
Him: It's not too late

(Author's note: Ummm, yes it is. Way too late.)

My One "Real Housewives" Moment

Confession: I'm a huge fan and supporter of The Real Housewives franchise on Bravo. That Andy Cohen is a freakin' genius.
That being said, who has that much drama in their life? There always seems to be drama, double talk, secrets and fights between cast members many times claiming to be friends, and over-the-top spectacles at elaborate parties and events.
Well, folks, I can (finally?) say that I was in a similar situation. Extremely long, ridiculous story short, I was confronted by a 50+ year old woman last night at a charity event for a children's hospital. Yes, you read that right - a grandmother tried picking a fight with me at a charity event.
As I gracefully excused myself from the situation, I couldn't help but laugh. There are actually people who live their lives like Brandi Glanville or Kim Richards. Good for them, I guess. It's just not for me.

Scarred For Life

Author's Note: The following story is my interpretation of a childhood event...and that's all that matters. If anyone disagrees with my story, they can write their own blog. Heehee.
The above picture tells a story much more important than the one I'm about to share. That is a photo of me and my late younger sister Susan. (Check out my sweet rainbow BandAid on my right knee.)
Extremely long story short, Susan died at six months after being born with a congenital heart defect. From birth, Susan had been in and out of hospitals and doctors' offices. You'll need that information for the following story to make sense and so that you can see the underlying humor in it.
In the spring of 1986, Mom had gone to a town craft fair, and left Dad alone with me and Susan for the afternoon. I went for a bike ride down the hill and only made it a few houses before my back tire slid in the sandy street and I fell onto the pavement. I was right outside of my friend's house and her mother, a nurse, ran outside to come to my aid. I remember she gave me two freeze pops - one for now, one for the car - and drove me back to my house.
After taking a look at my open wound, Dad packed up Susan and, after making a quick pit-stop at another doctor neighbor's house, he drove me to the hospital. We had a very professionally successful set of neighbors!
I remember sitting on the doctor's papered table in a pair of dirty shorts while Susan wailed in her carrier. "Um, excuse me! I'm the one getting three stitches in their knee!" Legend has it that I didn't shed a tear. Boom - nailed it.
Years later I was told that my mother received a message at the Senior Center where the craft fair was being held. The message was, "Jim brought your daughter to the hospital."
Understandable panic set in. In this case, unnecessary panic. I can't even imagine being my mom getting that message that afternoon. The individual that gave my mother this message probably realized soon after finishing that initial statement that they should be more clear. They clarified that Susan was fine; Trish just fell off her bike.
That being said, my mother stayed at the craft fair.
Don't worry about me. I'm just your first born child, bleeding all over the road, suffering from a popcicle-induced brain freeze.
I've teased my mother about this infamous day for many, many years. I don't mean to keep bringing it up, but I have a constant reminder on my knee. I'm legitimately scarred for life.

A Star On The Rise

In mid-May, I traveled to Orlando, Florida for a conference for work. This was my first time away from the office for business purposes, and, while I wasn't sure what to expect, I did learn a lot at the conference and met some great people while I was there.

On Monday evening, I met Janet at a happy hour hosted by the conference vendor. Janet was a spunky brunette who was gung-ho for karaoke, and she did everything in her power to convince me to join her on stage to perform Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" at the farewell celebration on Wednesday evening. I told her that there was no way in hell that I'd be caught dead on a stage singing in front of a room full of people. "Get lost," I said with a smile.

Tuesday, she and I had a repeat of the same conversation.

Janet: "I can't wait for karaoke tomorrow night. You and me, Trish. You and me."

Trish: "No way. How about her?" (Pointing to another innocent, petrified bystander.)

Janet even tried to get me on-board by performing a snip-it of her song while dipping our feet in the pool late on Tuesday night after a dinner and dance party in the conference hall. I sneaked away and retreated to my hotel room before committing to anything.

The day was finally here - Wednesday. I woke up, went to a full day of conference workshops and presentations, went back to my room to freshen up, and then met my new friends at a happy hour prior to boarding a bus to City Walk at Universal Studios.

Upon arriving at City Walk, we were greeted by staffers with smiles and trays of free beer. This truly IS the happiest place on Earth. Janet, some of our new friends, and I grabbed a drink and did a quick looksie around to see what we had to work with. There was a DJ spinning on a balcony, entertainers juggling pins and others walking on stilts wearing sequins and feathers, and stations of free food.

After walking around a bit, grabbing a bite to eat, and requesting "Dick In A Box" at a dueling piano bar, we made our way over to CityWalk's Rising Star. Please note: the pianists did NOT play my request.

When we walked into Rising Star, I was floored. First of all, it was freakin' packed full of people, all with their conference lanyards on. Yeh, we all looked lame. Moving on...

Next, I look at the stage - well, that was not what I had imagined. In my mind, I saw a stage with a screen with song lyrics. Maybe a tapestry or some sort of background to frame the stage a bit. What I saw surprised me.

Not only did I see a familiar conference face singing a Sublime song, but I saw a sound board, a live band and back-up singers. Back-up singers!

Janet bee-lined to the sign-up sheets and put her sheet in the clear plastic box at the stage. She was in this to win it...win what, I'm not so sure. We found a table at the back for our group, and while listening to a middle-aged "Mom" with a bob sing "Welcome to the Jungle", I glanced at the song list that was at the table. There it was, "No Scrubs" by TLC.

I took a look around, took another swig of Bud Light, and grabbed a golf pencil. "I'm never going to see any of these people ever again," I thought to myself as I made my way to the stage with my sign-up sheet.

Janet lived her dream of singing "I Will Survive" and she rocked it!

Janet, joined by a "friend", rocks it with the band and back-up singers.

Then, the inevitable came just a few acts later - Trish, "No Scrubs". Holy crap. What did I do? I feel sick.

I joined the stage, sang my song while my face turned magenta and my voice quivered, and then ran back to my beer. Shortly after that, I shared a cab back to the hotel to end this ridiculous night.

Oh, dear God.

The next afternoon, I was waiting for my shuttle bus back to the airport in the hotel lobby. I had all my luggage next to the couch next to me while I curled up with my phone. I really should've booked an earlier flight home.

Two petite blonde women joined me in my furniture pod, and one asked if I had attended the conference. I said yes and we introduced ourselves. "Hi, I'm Trish."

Blonde woman #1: "I actually already think we've met. You look familiar."

Trish: (with a "I don't think so, but okay" look on her face) "Oh, maybe."

Blonde woman #1: "Oh," (chuckling to herself) "I know where I know you from. You sang at City Walk last night."

MORTIFIED!

She and I talked for a bit, laughing (me crying) about our exchange. She did confirm that I wasn't the worst one of the night, and that there wasn't a mass exodus from the building when I was up on stage. That's a relief.

I didn't think that far ahead the night before. I knew I wouldn't see anyone again...but I forgot that I'd see people the next day before leaving the hotel. No, no autographs were given, but I did make my new fans smile. I'll never forget the first time that I was recognized in a hotel for my musical performance.

Sound The Alarm

The morning of Wednesday, March 11th while I was in my cubicle in Providence with a colleague, my cell phone began to vibrate out of control. One or two texts - fine, no big deal. This, however, was not just one or two texts. It was so out of control that my colleague asked if I'd like her to step out so I could handle things. I said no. Whatever it was could wait.

Just then, I began to get IMs from colleagues on my computer screen. Finally, I told my colleague that I should probably see what the texts and IMs were about. She obliged.

Friends, colleagues and ex-flames (pun intended) from the Warwick area were notifying me that a building in my condo complex was on fire, but they didn't know which building it was and, therefore, didn't know if it were mine or not.

Panic set in.

I Googled "Warwick condo fire" and a photo very similar to the below came up. Holy crap!

The photo in an on-line news story clued me in to which building it was. I called the management office just to confirm. Luckily, it wasn't my building.
I continued my meeting because what the heck was I supposed to do? I had taken the bus in to work that morning so I didn't have an easy way home...and it wasn't my building that was ablaze.
About five minutes later, my good friend walked to my desk to confront me about why I hadn't answered her calls, texts or IMs. She put an end to my meeting and said she'd drive me home. Thankfully, someone told me what to do because I was still in panic/disbelief mode.
While I assumed that the smoke would be visible from the highway, I was wrong. It wasn't until we were off the off-ramp and on the main road that I saw billowing grey smoke. The traffic was extremely heavy.
We parked a street away and walked over to the complex. I asked one of the officers if I was able to get into my apartment. After telling him which building I lived in, he said yes. Phew!
Before walking into my apartment, my morale support and I took some time to gawk at the scene - one I'll never forget. There were neighbors in their pajamas, neighbors in American Red Cross vans, neighbors with their newborn baby in a baby carrier, and neighbors crying in the parking lot watching everything they had go up in flames. There were police cruisers, ambulances, fire engines and news crews. A scene like that really makes you thankful for everything you have...and not just the material things.
We went into my place, which thankfully did not smell of smoke, but was dark and spooky. I quickly grabbed two bags of things - one overnight bag just in case the electric wasn't back on by later that night and I needed to spend the night elsewhere, and one bag of things that one might take if there was a chance of fire in their own home.
While this blog is to tell of the story of how I found out and how I reacted to the fire, it is also partially a comedy about what I packed in that second bag.

• Birth certificate, social security card, passport and other important documents;
• Special photographs of family that are no longer with us; and
• Herman the duck

Yes, that's right. Herman the duck, a yellow stuffed animal with a safety pin holding a wing on that quacks when you squeeze him, is a very special, long-time friend of mine and I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. Not to mention, if the fire did spread to my building and I lost all of my possessions, I would need something that would make me smile.
The fire took the whole building down. The below photo was taken the morning of Thursday, March 12th.

It's been a real crazy time for myself and all of my neighbors, obviously more for the victims of the fire. Between emergency condo association meetings, state and city investigations, revised condo fees and such, it's just upsetting and scary. This fire very well could have happened in my building.
While I don't have expensive things or clothes, or satchels of gold, the things I have I have for a reason and I'd be sad if they were gone forever. Yes, I am fully aware that material possessions are not what matters but imagine having nothing to your name but the outfit you have on right now. Long story short - be thankful.

Here's A Tip

Remember that time when I forgot to close out my bar tab at a local watering hole before heading home and, thus, not tipping the bar staff? I do...because it was just a few short days ago. Whoopsidaisy!
This past Saturday night, I was in the Springfield (MA) area and met some of my longtime friends for a few drinks. Two Samuel Adams Winters for me, please.
I opened a tab at the bar by handing my credit card to one of the bartenders. She swiped the card and returned it to me, which I thought was peculiar at the time. Once the first beer was a mere memory, I ordered a second. (Obviously - my parents taught me better than that.) Then, after contagious yawns consumed us, our table got up and left the bar.
About five minutes later while driving on 291, it dawned on me that I never signed a credit card receipt...and never tipped the bar staff. I illegally looked up the bar's phone number while driving and called to see if I needed to turn around to close everything out. The bartender advised that she could close the tab out for me - a whopping $9 - but that she couldn't add a tip. "Don't worry about it," she said.
MALARKY!
The next morning, I put $2.00 in the mail and sent it off. My carelessness shouldn't affect others, especially those that poured two really great beers.
Lesson: Don't forget to tip your servers!

An Italian Staycation

If you've never been to Federal Hill in Providence, I strongly encourage you to take the trip...and even if you're a regular to the neighborhood, it's time to head back, don't ya think?
I had plans to have lunch on Federal Hill a few weeks back with some friends and, to kill a little bit of time prior to our reservation, I stopped at Venda Ravioli. While not my first time in, this quick, 15-minute detour brought me on a vacation to Italy.
Located in the heart of Federal Hill, Venda Ravioli prides itself on being Rhode Island's Italian grocery store. I couldn't have described it any better myself. At 11:45am on a Saturday morning, this place was buzzing - I mean BUZZING.
Filling the space were lines for the prepared foods and deli items, the sounds of cappuccino foam machine, and full tables of Tonys, Joeys, and Marcos talking sports and neighborhood gossip. Just being in there, soaking up the history of it all, made me smile...and it makes me smile thinking about it now, weeks later.
No, I'm not a paid spokeswoman for Venda Ravioli...although maybe they'll send a free gelato or biscotti my way? I just wanted to share my experience with you all. Any places that transport you that I should try?

Maria Needs A New Job

During a recent Old Navy visit, I was patiently waiting in the after-the-holidays line holding a pair of Sweetheart bootcut jeans and my $5.00 Bucks Back coupon when I saw something that made me roll my eyes.

A young-ish blonde mother was in line ahead of me with her middle school-aged, UGG-wearing daughter and a Hispanic middle-aged woman. The blonde mother - let's call her Suzanne - was standing behind her cart with her arms resting on the handle.

When the sales associate called out, "I can help the next customer down at register 4", Suzanne pushed the cart just enough so she could walk around the cart and position herself in front. Her daughter - let's call her Ashleigh - was texting while she shuffled ahead. The full cart with one wonky wheel made it's way into another paying customer because no one caught it once Suzanne pushed and scurried around it.

When it hit the backside of the woman paying at register 2, Suzanne yelled at Ashleigh to let the Hispanic woman - let's call her Maria - push the cart.

So many things bothered me about this interaction at the store...

• Suzanne, why can't you just push the freakin' cart yourself?
• Don't blame your daughter for the cart accident; you're the one who pushed it ahead.
• Is it really necessary to have poor Maria schlep around the mall with you to push your cart.
• You seem like a capable and fit woman. You also seem like an annoying, rich, and entitled woman.

Maria, run for your life. Get out while you can!

2014: A Retrospective

It's amazing how much can change in a single year. The last thing I want to do is relive the shit storm that was 2013, but, at this time last year, I was in a really bad place. In sports terms, 2014 was a rebuilding year for me.

Early on in 2014, I started a new role at work and since making that change my whole attitude changed. This brandy-new, perfect-for-Trish position couldn't have come at a better time; I needed to move on for more reason than one. My current role plays to my strengths better than any other job I've had in this young lifetime, and it's good to see that my hard work is making a difference in the workplace. It's also nice to get the recognition and respect I deserve - FINALLY.

When I was offered the job back in January, Human Resources and I discussed the increased salary and benefits that came along with it. What they neglected to tell me about were the amazing colleagues that came along as a bonus. I am absolutely head over heels for my work family.

Okay, okay...shifting from professional to personal...

I have amazing friends. Nothing else needs to be said...except that I hope you smile when you think of me as I do when I think of you. Thanks to you all for getting me back on my feet.

Some things I've done this year (in no particular order):

• Showered Jocelyn, Jess and Kim to help welcome their adorable little boys (Mason, Connor and Tyler, respectively), and Alissa (and Jerry) and Kate (and Kevin) to celebrate their nuptials...AND took a tequila shot in honor of Jackie's (and Dan) upcoming 2015 wedding
• Donated pints of blood to the RI Blood Center, walked to raise funds for the American Heart Association and the American Cancer Society, and volunteered with Special Olympics of RI, Martin Luther King Jr Community Center, Birthday Wishes, PrideFest, and the RI Community Food Bank
• Poorly painted wall art while drinking, and finally bit the bullet by painting the walls of my condo with the help Nikki and good ole Dad
• Purchased my own wrist corsage and attended prom...stag
• Increased my appetite for sushi
• Took a limo with friends for some day drinking for Alissa's birthday, and the train to Beantown to celebrate Joey & Janice's Day of Fun
• Traveled to Manhattan to see my cousin Sarah's "Sars" dance performance
• Drank beers from a boot and shamelessly expressed my love for DEAN!, the lovely gentleman that delivers said boots
• Treated a four-year-old member of my fan club to a day at the Boston Children's Museum for his birthday
• Laughed while watching Book of Mormon, Aziz Ansari, and Avenue Q
• Got chills while walking into Fenway Park...again
• Wore an Hawaiian shirt and an ugly holiday sweater to work
• Celebrated the Summer of Jill in Newport and Boston
• Took the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge thanks to Jackson
• Enjoyed a summer afternoon on the Farley's boat
• Traveled to Baltimore and Philadelphia to visit loved ones

Moving on...

I have big - BIG - plans for 2015, and I'd love for you to join me in the next chapter.