The Charm Of A Dive Bar

While home in Western Mass for Christmas, I met two high school friends out at a local dive bar. You know the type - they have them in every small town in America (I hope) - the cash-only watering hole where the patrons are either kids you babysat for in your youth or Senior Center escapees. The floor boards creak, the chairs need to be replaced, and the neon beer signs give the place an interesting glow.
We sat at the corner of the bar and reminisced about old times and gossiped about what former classmates are doing now with their lives. Those conversations quickly ceased when we started watching three older patrons on the other side of the bar as if they, themselves, were a train wreck. Their antics were far surpassing the actions of us young whippersnappers. I mean, things got weird and they got weird quickly. I didn't want to look but I couldn't turn away.
If I had to guess, I'd say these three...individuals...were in their late-sixties or seventies. Two women and one man. Look, I don't want to relive it by getting into specifics but things were happening between the three of them - sexual things - that grown adults shouldn't do in a near-empty bar...in front of the TV showing the Patriots game. Don't you people know that everyone is staring at you in disgust? No? Well, now you do.
One woman got up off her stool and attempted to reach the ladies room just a few steps away. Yes, the key word is attempted. We all heard a loud thud and glanced over at the woman to find her lying on the floor. Better people than me ran over to the woman's aid. She had hit her head on the bathroom door...or the floor...and had quite a large gash in her forehead. The bartender and patrons helped the woman off the floor and back into her chair, where they tended to her wound.
It must be noted that the other woman and the man that were with her...intimately...looked annoyed that poor ol' "Ma" was so intoxicated/old that she fell over and, thus, botched their plans for any post-bar festivities. Hell, the other woman was drinking her wine while supporting "Ma's" head, all the while rolling her eyes at the old man in the rugby shirt.
The ambulance/EMTs were called and, once decided that she needed to go to the hospital because she hit her head and probably needed stitches, they brought the stretcher in and carted "Ma" out. The other lady went with her to the hospital in the ambulance and the man was told he was cut off. No more drinks for you, sir.
The bartender got the good Samaritans a beer as a thank you and before they could even take a sip, one of the EMTs came back in and told us that we needed to evacuate the bar because there was a gas leak. What in the world?!?!
Did the fall cause the gas leak or did the gas leak cause "Ma" to fall?
I'd like to think that "Ma" was a Christmas angel sent to save us all from the Agawam Gas Leak of 2013.
In any event, it was a memorable night, to say the least. Oh, the charm of a dive bar!

Free Money

Have you ever been so distracted that you completely forgot what you're doing? Have you ever gotten up off the couch and walked to the refrigerator and it wasn't until you opened the door and the cold air hit your face that you realized that you didn't even know why you got up in the first place?
Well, this happened just the other night...to someone other than me.
As I was driving through the fine city of Providence, I stopped at the ATM for some dolla-dolla-bills, y'all. I enjoy going to this one location, in particular, because it's attached to a Boston Market. Not only do I retrieve the money that I request from the machine but I also get a delicious chicken scent wafting in through my open car window.
As I pulled up there was a car in line ahead of me. I waited patiently.
When they pulled away, I drove up to the machine and got my debit card ready. When I turned to insert my card into the machine, I noticed that the car in front of me had driven off without their money.
The money - I'm going to guess at least $80 - sat in the machine, which was still beeping. I assumed the beeps translated to, "Hey dummy! Forgetting something?"
I didn't know what to do. The driver of the car just drove off without a second thought. The bank branch was closed so it's not like I could've notified someone inside the facility.
The angel and devil in me debated my next step.
"I could really use that money."
"There's a camera on you, dummy!"
When I finally decided on the fact that I wasn't going to steal this innocent person's money from the machine, the machine sucked those bills back in. I completed my transaction and went on my merry way.
I guess I'm still confused as to how you could stop at the ATM, press all of the necessary buttons, take your receipt but not take the cash. That individual was in for a very big surprise when they attempted to make their next purchase. They probably assumed that I stole it. Jerks!