The Day I Was Hit By A Car

The first thing I heard on the radio when I woke up this morning was how warm it was going to be today. At 7am, it was 55 degrees...in Rhode Island...in late November. Despite this news, I decided to wear my long red wool coat to work today. Little did I know that it would save my life.
(If I really WERE to write a book, wouldn't that pull you in?)
Unfortunately, my escapade in the Providence Place Mall parking lot was not that dramatic but it still happened. I was hit by a car.
Not my car. But me - Trish-the-Dish.
I left work a little later than usual so I have a few extra pennies in my paycheck. When I clocked out, it was super dark out. The clock said 4:57pm but it looked like midnight.
Anyways, I got stuck in the elevator with two obnoxious women talking about Zumba. This was annoying on it's own but they didn't leave me there. They escorted me to the door at - a - very - slow - pace. When I finally got to the double doors leading to freedom, I cut to the right and blew right past them. Out of my way, ladies!
I power walked to the corner and waited for the signal telling me it was safe to walk across the street. While there, a coworker came up to me and we waited together...safely on the side of the street. We finally cross and realize that we park in the same parking lot.
As I always do, I walk in the drive-out opening in the building, which positions me facing the oncoming cars so I can see everything. I lure Linda to do the same. Because there's so much traffic at the toll booths, this is usually an easy task. You simply just breeze through them. They ain't going anywhere.
We were talking about her upcoming Florida vacation when we cut in between two cars. The one at the end of the line got fed up with his line and decided to reverse it and switch lines. Let's call him Mr. Patience. This allowed Linda & I to walk through without incid...
OUCH!
The crazy woman that was in line right in front of Mr. Patience decided that she would also jump ship. Ship being her line of traffic.
Let's call her Mrs. Hit & Run because she totally backed up into me! Um...hello! Did you not see my bright red coat? Also, I'm pretty sure we made eye contact as I walked through the cars.
She just tapped my left calf and I won't have as much as a bruise but I'm going to milk it for everything I can. In fact, I may develop a limp overnight. That should score me a free breakfast, no?

Isn't Thanksgiving Ironic?

The product of a broken home, for years, I've had to split my time between Mom and Dad during the holidays. Dad's holidays are elegant and polished, while Mom's holidays are casual and relaxing. For anyone who knows me, you KNOW I prefer Mom's holidays.
This morning, while I was getting ready for another Ginnetti Thanksgiving, I was cursing the fact that I needed to put on "work clothes" when I wanted to throw on some jeans & a hooded sweatshirt for a Sheridan turkey day. I wore a pair of black slacks, a pattered top with 3/4-length sleeves, pearl earrings and suede flats. Outerwear included a purple scarf and my knee-length red wool winter coat.
So, you can imagine my surprise when I was greeted at the door by my father in a polo, jeans & all-white sneakers. (The all-white sneakers are another story altogether!) I enter the house and see Sue in a nice top, jeans and wedged shoes. A few hours later, Sue's son and his family arrived - all in casual clothes. Hell, David wore khaki shorts and a baseball hat!
Then, I look outside and saw flying pigs! I, clearly, missed a memo.
Perhaps next year, to avoid confusion, we should dress like this:

Scamming Second Dates

I think I may have accidentally stumbled upon a new dating tactic.
I have been casually talking to this boy and we decided to grab a quick bite to eat over the weekend. I showered, dried and straightened my hair, brushed my teeth, applied deodorant and ran threw a cloud of perfume, wore "big girl" shoes & a nice sweater...also known as put forth effort. What I did NOT do is put my debit/credit cards in my purse.
He and I have a great conversation, have a few drinks, share a few stories, some laughs and a slice of vanilla bean cheesecake and, then, the waiter brings the bill over to the table. Being the nice girl that I am, I reach for the bill and add up my portion in my head. I put the bill back on the table and reach for my purse.
I grab my change purse, which holds all money, my license, AAA card, insurance information, my health insurance card, a Charlie Card for the Boston T, a Cilantro frequent shopper card (with 4 punched stars) among other things. Those other things typically are my debit card and my credit card...but not tonight.
I take the folded cash out of my purse while I feel my face getting more red by the second. Oh great, six dollars!
I rifle threw my cards praying that one of them has cash on the other end. No such luck.
"Hi, ____. Funny story. I realize this is our first date and it looks like you're having a good time. Well, I'm here to ruin it."
I totally didn't have enough money with me to pay my portion. Needless to say, I was mortified. I can not believe I had done this. I'm usually the girl that checks 100 times to make sure she has anything. En route to any game or concert, I'm the girl that checks 20 times to make sure that the tickets didn't crawl out of my bag, open the car window and fly out.
LUCKILY, ____ didn't leave me at the restaurant to clean dishes. He very graciously reopened his wallet and paid the full amount. We continued our conversation and left well after our server did.
On the bright side, I now owe him dinner. Looks like someone scored herself a second date.

Nibbles Woodaway

One of the first things I learned when I moved to the State of Rhode Island was that the proper name of New England Pest Control's "Big Blue Bug" was "Nibbles Woodaway". He is stationed at the Thurbers Avenue curve on I-95 in Providence and is, no doubt, the cause of many rush hour traffic accidents to those looking to sneak a peek of the massive attraction.
Since my move in 2004, I have told people this fun fact and very few people actually believe me. They have never heard of such a ludicrous name for the state's most well-known insect. Livelong Rhodies tell me that Kate's crazy for thinking this and that I'm crazy for believing her.
Well, read it and weep, people! Per Wikipedia, the "Big Blue Bug" is also known as "Nibbles Woodaway".
Nibbles is 928 times the size of an actual termite, standing at 9 feet tall and 58 feet long, and weighing 4,000 pounds. It was constructed over a four day period from wire mesh and fiberglass in late 1980 at a cost of $20,000.
Nibbles has made numerous media appearances, including the film Dumb and Dumber, and the television programs The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Daily Show and Family Guy.
The reason why I bring this up is that on my drive home tonight, Nibbles was getting his annual holiday garb on. Can we say "costume change"?
I don't know what it is but nothing quite says "Happy Holidays!" like a massive termite in reindeer antlers and a red nose.
Tis the season!