"Am I Caught In A Hit And Run?"

I left work on Monday with a spring in my step. It was absolutely gorgeous outside and I had big plans for my evening. I just wanted to get to it. Things that were on my agenda: Go to the gym, stop at the supermarket, go to Mike's place and have dinner prepared for when he got home at 8:30pm.
Unfortunately, plans for Taco Night were ruined.
I arrived at the gym on Mineral Spring Avenue around 5:15pm. I badged in and went to the women's locker room and prepared to get my pump on. During my time at Work Out World, some gentleman stole my mat practically from underneath me and the treadmill I got on had a broken TV. Argh...
At about 6:15pm, I collected my things from my locker and made my way to my car. At first I couldn't find it in the parking lot. I couldn't exactly remember where I parked. None of the cars looked like The Grey Lady.
I soon realized that the car with the rear bumper on the ground with the huge dent in it was, indeed, mine.
I didn't see a guilty-looking driver near the car so my thought was "Oh, GREAT!" But, then, a choir of angels sang a hymn and led me to a note on the windshield. Nope, it wasn't from the driver of the car. It was even better than that! It was from someone who saw the whole thing go down and they got the kid's license plate number.
After calling Dad & Mom, I finally got enough sense to call the North Providence Police Department, which, by the way, I could see from where I was standing in the parking lot. It's diagonally across the street...which was great because the officer got there in a jiffy.
In the meantime, I received several concerned glances and "Did that just happen?"'s from the gym-goers.
The police officer came over to me, took the note & notified SWAT (not really) of the license plate number on the note. As I was standing there with the Po-Po, SWAT was at this kid's house. I say "kid" because he was born in 1994.
1994 was a big year for me. I got my braces removed, graduated from eighth grade and started high school. I did NOT receive court dates for a hit and run or for driving with a suspended license. (Just a sidenote, he thought he just grazed my car with his side mirror. Please look at the damage above and laugh to yourself.)
Anyways, Mike's Mom came to take laundry baskets out of my car so it could be towed. I waited in the parking lot until 8:30pm, stealing McDonald's WIFI. Finally, AAA came and, rather than tow the car, he slapped some duct tape on it and called it a day.
It actually made me annoyed that I didn't come up with that idea prior to waiting there for hours but whatever. It worked out.
I am still able to drive my car...although, I look pretty ghetto. Thank God I have a grey car. The duct tape, sort of, blends in. If you look real close (maybe) you don't notice.
Nah...I know better. Everyone on the road has been giving me looks and no one will park near me. I'm like a road leper. I want to make a sign and hang it in my back window that says, "It wasn't my fault. Honest."

Put Me In, Coach

While watching yesterday's Red Sox v. Tigers season opener in Detroit, I was reminded of something...something that I've thought of for many years but never actually verbalized until now.
Why is it that the only thing I can easily spot while traveling in a airplane is a baseball field?
During the broadcast, they showed aerial shots of the stadium from a blimp and I got to thinking how on every flight I've ever been on I've searched for fields. I don't know why but it makes me very happy. Is it because I'm a huge baseball fan or does everyone do this? I'd like to think everyone participates in my little game of I Spy.
I mean, I highly doubt that I would recognize the Rocky Mountains, the Mississippi River or the Grand Canyon, but a little league baseball field in Blue Springs, NE - no problem.
Maybe I enjoy it because it's a reminder that no matter where you reside in the United States of America, one thing - the love of baseball - connects us all...the excitement of the first pitch and the final out, the smell of hot dogs, the crunch of peanut shells under your shoe soles and the phrase "Play Ball".

As A Courtesy

The word "courtesy" is defined as excellence of manners or social conduct; polite behavior; a courteous, respectful, or considerate act or expression.


There are several ways one can act in a courteous and polite manner. Be gentle, not forceful or insistent; be nice; be honest; be graceful and show elegance.
This might seem like an easy enough character trait to possess, however, there are many people in this world...in Rhode Island...in the Providence Place Mall parking garage, for example...that are facing 180* in the wrong direction when it comes to being courteous to others.
On Monday, I was walking to my car after a long day in the office and, as you know from my previous blog posts, I walk in the drive-out exit. I know...I know...it's dangerous but this allows me to witness the most ridiculous behavior Providence has to offer, like people dancing, arguing and picking their nose while waiting for traffic to ease up.
Anyway, as I took a turn to walk into the garage, a family began walking along the sidewalk in front of the exit. They looked like tourists to me. They were looking at the architecture of the buildings and reading the signs to make sure they were headed in the right direction...to the Cheesecake Factory, no doubt.
Unfortunately, their sightseeing was interrupted by an impatient knucklehead trying to leave the lot. (Don't worry - he didn't run them over but he did give them something to talk about while at dinner.)
Shouting loudly out of his window for all to hear, "Jesus! I'm being courteous letting you even cross! The least you could do is move faster!"
Keep in mind, this is the same walkway that Providence's finest frequent to allow pedestrians to walk without the danger of being run over by idiots not paying attention to where they're going. Many times, a cop will stop the vehicle traffic for several minutes so a large swarm of pedestrians can cross the road without incident. For this guy to flip out about these five people, well, it's just crazy to me. Man, I'd love to see his face if a police officer was nearby...not that his words or tone were a crime but I trust the cop would've given him a stern look and, hopefully, a good talkin' to.
I just had to shake my head at him because who is in that big of a rush? Who would embarrass themselves because of something so foolish? What's an extra 30 seconds? Perhaps this "long" wait saved him from getting into a car accident on 95 South. You never know! Things happen for a reason.
As I turned my head to face forward, something caught my eye that explained why he acted in such a manner. He was from Connecticut.

Social Butterfly

Perhaps it's just the life of a vibrant 31-year-old gal, but I've become accustomed to scheduling myself into the ground. Weddings, showers, birthday parties, vacations, dinners, appointments...it just never ends.
Today is April 1, 2012. Going forward, I'm already booked for nine of the next 13 weekends, putting me into July. Doesn't just the thought of it make you tired?
People always say that they follow my adventures on Facebook. "You're always doing something!" they say.
The truth is, I don't know where to draw the line.
Do I start declining invitations to good friends' weddings? Do I make up some excuse why I can't attend a dinner party? Do I fore go holidays and special events at home with my family?
I want to attend everything and see the people that I care about but, at some point, something's gotta give. Don't get me wrong. I have a great time at all of these events but I have come to the realization that I can't do everything...and, unfortunately, I can't be in more than one place at the same time.
I need to relish and, perhaps, publicize the times when I'm in my pajamas on the couch watching a "chick flick" on a Sunday afternoon or catching up on some laundry so that I have clothes to wear to work the next week. (All of which, by the way, I'll be doing today.)
I'm going to give it a whirl.
Hopefully my next blog will be titled "Girl's Night In: The True Story of a Girl, a Mint Julep Mask and Take Out".

Watch Your Fingers

Once upon a time, I was going out to lunch with a very charming, good-looking, young gentleman. Prior to driving to the restaurant, I went into the backseat of the car to put on a different pair of shoes...flip flops to be exact. I mean, it is late March after all!
I put my right hand on the door to balance myself so I didn't fall onto the pavement. (That would've been a sight!)
Unfortunately, at that very moment, the same very charming, good-looking, young gentleman rolled down the back window and then rolled it back up catching my middle finger in between the glass and the door frame.
Ouch.
I yelled, "Ouch!" and the very charming, good-looking, young gentleman gasped and said something to the effect of, "Oh my God! Are you okay? I'm so sorry!"
I was perfectly fine...but my eyes watered anyways.
This episode in the parking lot brought me right back to the summer of 1999(?).
My father had rented a house down the Cape for a week and we decided to go mini-golfing. I drove my grandfather, my brother and his girlfriend at the time to the course just down the street. She was awful but that's not what this story is about.
Being in his eighties, it took "The Big O" a good long while to get himself out of the passenger seat. Foolishly, he used the car frame in between the front and the back seat to help himself out. That's when my brother decided to shut his back door...and when I decided to lock the doors...catching grandpa's fingers...yep, you guessed it...in the door.
Have no fear, "The Big O" played, probably, his best game of mini-golf ever, earning himself three holes-in-one (if my memory serves me correctly).
This afternoon, I didn't have a monumental golf game but I did enjoy a chicken tender meal and split a strawberry Awful Awful with a great great guy. I consider that a win.

I Sure Will Party!

I went to Iparty this evening to pick up some Irish-themed items for an event in May while they're in stock for the impending High Holiday. The event in May has something to do with my mother and her becoming another year older. Enough about that.
I grabbed a few items that I loved and then a few that I wasn't 100% in love with. I sauntered over to the cash register and the young lad rang me up and announced my total - $43.21.
$43.21?
That is not what I had in mind. This totally caught me off-guard but I swiped my credit card anyways.
It wasn't until I was in my car driving home that I realized that I definitely shouldn't have purchased these items. I did what any person in their right mind should do - I turned around and drove back to the store.
I parked my car in the same parking spot I had just left and looked at my receipt. "Food, Seasonal & Clearance items are Non-Returnable." Crap.
I tried my luck (of the Irish) anyways.
I walked in and, thankfully, the young boy that rang me up just minutes earlier was still at his register.
Me: "Hi. I was in here, like, five minutes ago. Can I return these?"
Boy: "Oh, sure."
Me: "Great. I found something else somewhere else." I lied.
Boy: "Want me to refund your card or give you cash?"
Me: "Oh, if I could get cash that'd be great...but either one is fine."
Boy: "Okay, here's $25.59."
I dumped the cash into my purse and ran back to my car because I know, having worked in retail for several years, he shouldn't have done that.
This shopping experience completely shocked me. I went into that store expecting to be rejected and getting stuck with these items. I came out with cash and a new love for Iparty.

Remember "That" Girl?

It's not usually a good thing to be known as "that girl".
You don't want to be the sloppy girl that everyone talks about the morning after the party. You don't want to be the girl that wears the band's t-shirt to the concert. And you DEFINITELY don't want to be remembered as "that girl" after a night at Jacques Cabaret.
For those of you not in the know, Jacques Cabaret is a drag show in Boston where bachelorette parties and women's birthday celebrations will live in infamy. In this case, "drag" does not mean car racing.
Recently, I was in attendance at a 7pm showing and, let me tell you, I have never been more terrified and laughed so hard at the same time in all of my days.
First, let me introduce the cast and then I'll tell you why I was so traumatized by this outing.
Mizery - To say that I'm scared of this lady is a severe understatement. She must have been 6'3" and at least 250 lbs. Take that and squeeze it into a sequined catsuit. Meow! She performed the Whitney Houston medley and for that I'll be forever grateful but, even in her Bobby Brown years, Whitney looked much more put together than this chick.
Miss Kris - She not only was the hostess with the most-ess but she took a liking to some of our ladies...and how can you blame her? She added the commentary and the comedy for the evening. Loved her.
Katie - This firecracker was doing handstands for God's sake! She was tall, lean and had crazy X-tina Lady Marmalade hair. She, without a doubt, looks better in spandex than anyone I've ever seen.
And, finally...
Destiny - I'm jealous of her. She was gorgeous! She performed Nikki Minaj and it was like you were at a concert. She really looked like her, especially with that blond & blue hair!
But the woman that had us all talking for the rest of the weekend and the one that I can't get out of my head...not a good thing...was Bride #2.
At the beginning of the show, the brides-to-be were brought up on stage and asked a few questions about their big days, honeymoons, etc. At first, I just thought that she had a few too many drinks and was starting to get a bit annoying. I had no idea of what was to come.
Shame on this girl's friends for allowing her to behave the way she did. Put it this way, I saw way more of this girl than I had planned on/wanted to. She was totally inappropriate and was starting to really creep me out. Not to mention, she probably spent $200 stuffing cash into the half-assed sequined costumes of the ladies.
The fact that you're the creepiest part of the show...and you're not even IN the show. That's a problem.
I had a good time. Don't get me wrong. But I think this is something to have on your bucket list. Once you go once, cross it off your list and move on.