Quarantine Chronicles: The Day Trish Lost Her Mind

The day was Thursday, April 23rd, my late-brother's birthday. The specifics of that day have already started to blur just two days later, but I'll share what I remember...and how I'm hoping to move on from it.

Quarantine home school started off as well as it could be in week five. I was helping with fifth grade math in the living room while first grade handwriting was taking place at the kitchen table. Dividing fractions aren't my thing, but we worked together to finish it up and get it submitted.

I turned my attention to the kitchen table and, after at least 30 minutes of her working on it, no words were written on the page. Zero. Apparently, she had absolutely nothing to share with her teacher about why she missed attending school. I encouraged her to get writing because the six sentences weren't going to write themselves. Yes, I realize I've turned into my mother. Moving on.

Fast forward another half hour or so, I checked back in with her and there were two half-assed sentences written on the page...and one of them was complete fiction. I'm all for creative writing, but this wasn't the time for it. I needed to take a picture of that completed assignment and get it over to the teacher for grading.

After crumpling the piece of paper up, I sent her to her room, for her to reflect on her assignment and, truthfully, to get her out of my face. Not as a huge punishment...just a little time out.

She eventually came back to school (i.e. the kitchen table) and banged out her assignment. No problem. Submitted.

Lunch. The fact that lunch was a stressor for the day is nuts. As you might remember, one member of our household doesn't do "lunch". She'll have healthy snacks, but refuses to consume a sandwich or leftovers, really. She filled her plate with blueberries, granola bar, and some Easter candy. Not ideal, but good enough.

Ms. I-Live-And-Would-Die-For-Nutella, on the other hand, filled her plate with a large solid Easter bunny, three grapes, Oreos and stale fruit snacks that she received on Valentine's Day from a classmate while she pondered aloud, "Maybe I want a bagel for lunch," and "I'll make myself a Nutella sandwich". I said either of those was fine...but did Ms. I-Live-And-Would-Die-For-Nutella ask for either of those things or make them herself? Nope. As she's sitting at the kitchen table with chocolate all over her face, I said that she'd better get some actual lunch in front of her because what she's got wasn't going to cut it. She responded with, "I know. I will."

Next thing I know, her lunch plate is being put into the dishwasher.

Ummm...oh, hell, no. I told her she needs to have something of substance - something healthy. She responds with, "I had grapes!" Three grapes. Three.

I come back with some sassy retort about how terribly dinner will go for her. Spoiler alert - it didn't go well.

I eventually go downstairs to switch over some laundry and relax for a bit now that their school work was completed. I get interrupted with the sounds of bickering wafting down the stairs. I begrudgingly made my way up the stairs to see what the heck was going on even though I already knew. We play this game at least once or twice a week.

Again, they're fighting about "her" stuff being in "my" room. We're very territorial these days. "So-and-so won't let me in to put my things in the game closet." "There's no room in here."

I brought up my great idea to the girls - an idea I was really excited about. "If you don't have room in the game closet for these things, that means you have too many games/toys. We'll get rid of some."

Their reaction didn't match my excitement. I heard a lot of whining and "nos". The volume of my voice began to rise...higher and higher. As I threatened to throw the full contents of the closet away next time they argue, I screamed so loud that I shook and I pulled a muscle in my neck.


What have I become, you ask? Possible valid answer options:
* A total screaming lunatic.
* A 39-year-old woman crying on the couch when asked by her fiancée "How was your day? What's wrong?"
* A creeper listening in to an adolescent Zoom meeting hoping she won't overhear, "So, Ms. Trish lost her freakin' mind today."
* A woman who has been cooped up in this house with these kids for over 40 days and no where she can go to escape. Forty days of this house not being big enough for all of us. Forty days of those under 12 not pulling their weight, not helping with chores, not making things easier for anyone.

Dinner planned for Thursday was ground beef nachos. I browned the beef, shredded two types of cheese, laid out the chips and assembled them the way I wanted to, adding refried bean dollops. This is not how I have done nachos in the past, at least not in the past three years. No more Ms. Nice Lady. I didn't leave a section for the meat-and-bean-haters. Almost all of the chips had some beef or beans on it. Like I said above, it didn't go well for all involved. Ms. I-Live-And-Would-Die-For-Nutella ate approximately four chips that she deemed appropriate for consumption. I didn't care. You want to starve to death? Knock your socks off. I refused to get into it with her. She made her choice; she'll have to live with it.

As I sat comatose on the couch waiting for reinforcements to get home from work, I began to cry. I eventually put myself to bed before reinforcements walked through the door, only to be awoken by a text. I read it, felt guilty, and threw my phone to the carpeted floor.

Damn it, I forgot to call my father. I had left my Mom a voicemail earlier in the day, but things got so crazy I didn't get to call Dad. It's customary for me to wish them a Happy Jimmy Day to acknowledge his birthday.

After a few beats, I got out of bed, wiped the tears from my eyes, walked into the backyard and called him. When I say that my father thought someone had passed away, I'm dead serious. In the time it took him to answer the phone, I was ugly crying. I couldn't get words out and I was practically hyperventilating.

In the past, I have really tried not to call my father to vent or ask for anything. I'm not sure why, but I never want him to think I can't get through life on my own. I want to play the role of the strong woman that can do things on her own, without Daddy's help.

Well, not on Thursday. I cried like a baby. I swore. I told him that I was totally overwhelmed. I told him that the girls were acting this way - driving me crazy - on purpose. I told him about the game closet. I asked him to Zoom punish them by taking away summer pool privileges.

I finally calmed down. Either he talked me off the ledge or I was getting tired from my outburst.

Thursday's reaction was the sum of so many components that had been adding up over the last few months. I burst.

On Friday, I read a book from cover to cover. I had some wine. I showered. I Zoomed with friends. I hung out with Mona, our English Bulldog. It was a rainy day and a good day to recharge.

I needed to get that all out of me. I need to do a better job of picking my battles. I can't make everything a big deal...not during this time. Going forward, I will do my best to not yell. Dirty rooms, candy for lunch, bickering about idiotic things - the quarantine childhood experience of some of that is healthy, right?

Anyway, it's not healthy for me to be that close to blow. I need to find more outlets to release the steam. I need to be able to separate myself from them. I need to let them work things out on their own. I need to let them make their own choices and have them deal with the consequences of those choices.

I feel a lot of pressure to keep the train on the tracks. There's so much added pressure and stress just living through this unprecedented time. We're living through a pandemic, for Christ's sake.

The house has to be clean; dinners have to be planned, prepared and healthy; everyone has to be happy, well-rested and calm. These are expectations that I set myself...and I'm announcing now I'm letting those go.

Our only mission now is survival.

Quarantine Chronicles: The Highlights

While the world is reeling from the Covid-19 pandemic, a pessimist (or even a realist, in this case) could give you a list of what is going wrong in the world.

Examples:

• The economy is in the toilet.
• The world's most vulnerable are being hit the hardest.
• There's not enough toilet paper or hair-dye kits to go around.

But, in this trying time, there are things - silver linings, if you will - that I have discovered that I wanted to share with you. Perhaps they can cast some light onto you and your loved ones.

Things I'm thankful for in this time of isolation and stay-at-home orders: (in no particular order)

•  Sidewalk Chalk - The girls have been playing out on the driveway more frequently than in prior sunny days. It's an escape from the house and it's a creative outlet for the artists in your household.
•  The Internet - Can we please, for just one second, imagine what this would be like if this pandemic occurred during 1992? Not only would I have a terrible perm and a huge gap between my front two teeth, but we'd have to watch TV and play video games all day. Okay, I realize this doesn't sound as bad as I meant it to sound. We'd have to call the house phones of our classmates if we wanted to hear their voices. Zoom meetings (*more to come), Google classroom, and other e-learning applications wouldn't be an option for distance learning. Mom would have to teach us sentence structure, and Dad would have to teach us dividing fractions. What would I do without watching online versions of late night shows or watching "real mom" online content? We'd have to play far more board games and have more conversations with our families. We'd have to clean our rooms just to get some reprieve.
•  GrubHub, DoorDash, Instacart, PeaPod, and other food delivery companies - Talk about an essential business model! Can't (or Shouldn't) get out to buy groceries or dinner? Just have someone shop your list for you and deliver your items to your door! Nothing is better!
•  Zoom* - I realize this is not as good as seeing your friends, family members and colleagues in person, but if this is as good as it gets, I'll definitely take it. I've had some stressful days minimized by seeing friendly faces on their couches, and I hope this phenomenon won't disappear once things return to the new normal. It's one of those things where it's amazing we didn't do this before! Also fun is the Marco Polo app.
•  Oreos and Strawberry Milk - On a weekly basis, we have a dairy delivery that brings us white, coffee, chocolate and/or strawberry milk (along with other yummy treats). I have a new-found love for Double Stuff Oreos dunked in strawberry milk. Yum!
•  Loungewear - So what? I've been rotating three pairs of loungewear pants and t-shirts for the past month and a half. I even pulled my first "business on top, party on bottom" Zoom meeting the other day...and no one was wise to it.
•  Small Businesses - We love small businesses and have been trying our best to give them some extra love during this cuckoo crazy time. We've been purchasing gifts, clothes, food, beer, and tipping larger than normal when we can. I encourage you to shop local when you can.
•  Expanded Facebook Connections - I've noticed that I've opened up my Facebook reach since living in lockdown. It's nice to reconnect with old friends, especially when everyone is searching for connection these days.
•  Kahoots! Trivia - This trivia app has brought us some joy. They have lots of trivia topics to choose from, and you can even customize your own trivia game. It's great for family time.
•  Time to Organize - I've had a lot of time to do some projects around the house. Organize closets, stand up a relatively successful Poshmark store to clear out some of this clutter, wedding plan, clean up the yard, etc.
•  Family Time - Days are long, for sure, but it's great to be able to spend this time with family. Lines are blurring between homeschool and family time and "I need my space" time, but this is an unprecedented situation. We'll, hopefully, never live through a time like this again, but we have made some pretty amazing memories with one another while we're staying at home to help protect our neighbors.

I could probably go on, but I'll stop here.

What have I missed? Is there a hobby that you were recently reintroduced to or that you've tried for the first time? I'd love to know so I can incorporate some more tools into my quarantine toolbox.

I know things are hard, but we'll get through it and we'll all be stronger for it in the end.

Quarantine Chronicles: The Job Search

When I was notified that my job was going to be eliminated in January of this year, I never would have thought that I would be in the situation I'm in right now.

Effective January 15th, 2020, I stopped going to work. Not because I didn't want to or because I had completed all that I wanted to accomplish in the role, but because my services were no longer needed. I know how business works and I am no stranger to the idea of layoffs or corporate restructuring, but I never expected it to happen to me. This was a surprise, for sure. 

To answer your questions: Yes, I miss my colleagues. Yes, I miss having a positive impact on those around me. Yes, I miss typing on a keyboard and having my own cubicle space. Yes, I miss getting silly IMs throughout the day just to say "Hi" or to see if I want to have lunch in the cafeteria. Yes, I miss having adult, professional conversations. Yes, I miss creating something and getting others' feedback, criticism or praise.

Much to my surprise, approximately two months after my departure, I found myself home schooling 5th and 1st grade from the kitchen table during a pandemic.

Some might say that getting laid off in January was a blessing, that I'm exactly where I should be during these crazy times. While I agree that not having to juggle home life, home school, dinner, self care, and work is a blessing, it still makes me really sad and, frankly, uncomfortable that I'm not contributing in the way that I have been for the past 17+ years.

My value is not measured by a job title, but it is hard to see myself in the same light when all I'm doing every day is making sure that reading is being done, math apps are being logged into, and Google classroom assignments are being marked completed.

It's important, obviously, but it's not the same.

Searching for a job these days is hard. There are so many factors that go into it. 

In addition to the candidate pool exploding over the last couple of weeks, I have to do my entire job search on my cell phone due to the fact that my local library is closed until further notice. I don't have a computer or laptop, so it makes it difficult to type up and edit documents, resumes or cover letters. It is difficult to connect with potential employers or network with former colleagues or other connections when we can't meet for a hot chocolate or coffee. I know - first world problems.

It is difficult when your job referral at a company is furloughed. It is difficult when a company has decided that they'll hold off on hiring until this thing blows over. It is difficult to apply for jobs when you don't really know when your home schooling responsibilities will be alleviated.

The unknown is scary. It is difficult to manage everything, including my feelings, during a pandemic and lock down. It doesn't help that the numbers in my bank account continue to dwindle, and I'm trying not to panic about a job on top of not trying to panic about sickness or running out of food. So many opportunities to panic!

It's definitely a lot, but I know I'll get through it and so will you if you're in the same position as I am.

2019: A Retrospective

From my vantage point here in quarantine during the COVID-19 pandemic, my crazy and unforgettable 2019 has already been overshadowed by the crazy of 2020. Not to say it wasn't great but, by comparison, not so crazy. 

That being said, here are some 2019 highlights and lowlights of last year...

* Enjoyed quarterly Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream taste testings - they were a real treat
* Found glitter hearts from a slime kit throughout the year...and into 2020, and hid painted kindness rocks around the state
* Reached new heights at the Larned Ladies Next Gen trip to Altitude
* Lightened my load by selling my bedroom set and kitchen table set, donated lots, and started Poshmark-ing clothes and shoes
* Became Edgewood cheese shop obsessed, including attending a cheese class
* Surprised friends with flowers & gifts throughout the year
* Read some great books, but nothing better than Becoming by Michelle Obama
* Listed my condo...and then took the listing down...and then put it back up...and took it back down
* Got in a fender bender, got a flat tire, got a speeding ticket, and got a parking ticket

* Celebrated the marriages of Mr & Mrs Jason Gillis and Mr & Mrs Edwin McAlpine, Christmas in July, lost teeth, Kindergarten and Project SEARCH graduations, and first place painting awards
* Laughed until I cried at a Norm McDonald comedy show in Beantown, sang until I lost my voice at the MixTape concert in Philadelphia, and smiled with the girls while we watched Aladdin at PPAC
* Plunged into a Great Wolf Lodge pool
* Danced with a cheap version of Buzz and Woody
* Picked bouquets in a tulip field
* Said "yes" to a marriage proposal in a taco shop, and locked down my wedding venue, dress, and bridesmaids 
* Walked cliffs and for heart health

* Spruced up my resume and began my job search

* Cruised to Bermuda and took potentially the most needed nap of the decade
* Uncovered the Nutella incident of 2019 and the Hair Clipping incident of 2019

2019 had it all - tears and stress...but also overwhelming joy and the excitement of new beginnings. 

While 2020 is currently crashing and burning, I have faith that this virus nonsense will only make the rest of the year taste even sweeter.

Ray of Sunshine

I don't want to toot my own horn, but I spread sunshine wherever I go.

People - close friends, casual acquaintances and even complete strangers - always smile when they see me. My parents have always said that I bring joy to everyone I meet...and I'm just now realizing they might be onto something. People gravitate to me and want to interact. Like many, I have to feel people out before I let them get too close, but once I get a positive vibe from them, I welcome them in as friends.

Just the other day, I went to the doctor's office and was greeted by friendly ladies at the front desk. Then, the doctor's assistant came over to talk to me and helped me fill out some paperwork. I acknowledge that these associates likely do this for all their patients, but they were extra sweet with me, which was nice because I was feeling pretty lousy. Allergies got me all screwed up - I had hives and was super itchy, vomiting - it wasn't pretty.

After filling out some paperwork, I waited in the lobby watching a Dateline rerun, which was exciting because I had never seen that episode before - surprisingly! We watch it all the time at home. Others also waiting to see the doctor came over to say hello and wished me well. That was nice.

Then, after what seemed like an hour, the doctor's assistant called my name and I went begrudgingly into the office. I've never been a huge fan of doctors, but the nice people treated my allergic reaction with some fancy (read: expensive) Benadryl. The redness immediately started to go down. They left me alone in the office for a few minutes, and while waiting for my doctor to arrive, I could feel my stomach turning. As I said, I didn't feel great during the day, but before heading to the doctor's I had some chicken and white rice - something bland to settle my stomach.

Then, the unthinkable happened. While waiting for my doctor to come in, I did it. I tossed my cookies. Right there on the office floor.

O - M - G!

So...I ran over to the paper towel dispenser and cleaned up everything before she came in to give me my prescription. Despite being totally mortified, I confessed to what happened, and she was very understanding and didn't make me feel like I was a nuisance.

She gave me some nausea medicine to calm my stomach, which helped immediately.

I left the office and was walking to the reception desk to pay the office bill for my visit, and everyone was just so nice. It made me feel a lot better.

I'd like to thank the staff at Ocean State Veterinary Specialists for taking good care of me.

-Mona

5- (almost 6!) year-old English Bulldog

Here I am after spreading my "sunshine" all over the doctor's office floor. So embarrassing!

May Eleventh

My favorite day in 2019 was May 11th.

I woke up, put on my "I'm with Mama" t-shirt courtesy of Old Navy, and awaited for my mother to arrive. Harley's mom had come to visit the night before and was spending the entirety of Mother's Day weekend with us and the girls...and my mom was traveling to Rhode Island for an overnight on Saturday. This would be the first time the moms would meet. A monumental day in the life of a young couple.

Nancy had met my father and his wife the summer prior when she attended a family function in Windsor. She and her sister were invited to join my annual family reunion, and - surprisingly - was not scared of the motley crew that awaited them.

As I was getting myself ready for a low-key day at the Providence Children's Museum and lunch, Harley springs plans on me - big plans. Upon reading this blog, he'll argue that last sentence by saying, "I told you to tell your mom to wear something nice because we're having pictures taken", but, no, I had not been informed that a photographer had been booked to take photos of us, the girls and our mothers for Mother's Day. I thought he just meant that we'd take pictures because we would want to document the first time they met one another and the first time the girls would have two "grandmas" at their disposal at the same time in many years. Had I known about the true plans of that day, I would've showered (!) and not worn this super cozy and charming but totally ridiculous t-shirt.

Another miscommunication on my part brought my mom into town later than Harley was thinking she'd arrive so breakfast plans had to be changed on the fly. Instead of breakfast at Cracker Barrel, we attempted to order Dunkin via the app and simply drive through to pick it up, but the order wouldn't go through so a few of us went in to procure the overly complicated coffees, juice and munchkins. Once we completed our transaction, got back in the van, and troubleshooted a napkin supply situation, we made our way into Providence...in a minivan demo.

We got to the Providence Children's Museum around 11am and enjoyed ourselves. We saw every nook and cranny of that museum. Our mothers got acquainted. The girls met a new (totally annoying) "friend".

The weather was perfect so we sat outside as the girls played in dirt while my stomach was growling out of control. I looked at my phone and it was almost 3pm! I had only had a few munchkins for breakfast and that was several hours ago. I requested we head out soon, seeing as we'd been there for four hours...and, after much convincing, we finally hit the road...but not for long.

We drove the two blocks to Xaco Taco, which is a spot that we have frequented several times in the last few years because it has the best of the best - tacos, guacamole, chips & salsa, margaritas, service, decor. We love it.

The plan was that we'd have a late lunch and then meet up with the photographer for some pictures in the late afternoon Rhode Island sunshine.

Harley dropped the five ladies off at the door before parking the van, and we made our way into the restaurant when I was met by a familiar face. My former colleague turned very good friend was in the lobby at the front door. He lives in Providence so this wasn't totally suspicious, but I rarely run into anyone I know anywhere so it was a fun surprise to see him. We took a selfie right there in the lobby.

I introduced Kevin to my mom (to whom he was already connected on Facebook) and to Nancy. He explained that he was at Xaco for a fundraiser for his dog's veterinarian. The fundraiser included a piñata and you had to pay $5.00 per swing. How thematic. My mom immediately started fishing in her purse for dollar bills.

Harley met us in the lobby and we made our way to this piñata party. Did I mention that I'm blindfolded? Yeah....

So, I'm being led by Kevin though this restaurant with an apron over my eyes, holding a broom stick in hand. As I'm walking something within me gets triggered and it dawns on me how truly bizarre this scenario is. I clinged onto Kevin's arm more tightly.

We get into a back room and it's dead silent; I think "not many funds will be raised from this dud of a party". He explained that the piñata hasn't even been raised yet and it's not ready for me...so the apron came off.

I saw a room full of people...and not just any people. Familiar faces. Very familiar faces. Well, very familiar faces hidden by cell phone cameras.

• My brother from Maryland.
• My dad and stepmom from Florida.
• Some of my best friends from Massachusetts.
• Family friends from Connecticut.
• Our ride or die Rhode Island crew.
• Harley on his knee.

Oh Lord. It's happening and my most favorite people are here for it.

Hindsight is 20/20

Well, here we are, on the cusp of February and I haven't blogged in, literally, over a year. LOTS of things have happened in the past year and, I'd like to say that I've been too busy to blog due to those things, but that would be lying.
I've been busy, yes, but I've had the time...and I've had a ton to say...but, for whatever reason, I just didn't say them (via this blog anyway).
I'll still be writing a 2019 retrospective, and I don't want to steal that blog's thunder by giving too much away, but I'll just say that I have more time these days to communicate with you, Reader.
I hope you'll follow me on this journey in 2020. My journey to prove that events and situations that seemed frustrating and sad at the time - devastating even - in the light of day once the dust has settled, might not be so terrible.
As they say, "hindsight is 20/20".